Windows, containers, and mirrors: a story of principles

Overview:

1. Values vs Principles

2. Integrity vs "Honesty"

3. Psychological Safety vs "Safe Space"

4. Openness + Acceptance vs "Diversity + Inclusion"

5. How windows, containers and mirrors represent integrity, psychological safety and openness

   
   

1. Values vs Principles

When I asked the AI-chat on You.com, "which word is better: values or principles?", it said:

Generally speaking, “values” refers to beliefs and attitudes that guide an individual or group, while “principles” refers to a system of beliefs or ideas that are held to be true. Values are often seen as more subjective and emotional, while principles are seen as more universal and logical. Therefore, if you are trying to communicate a more personal or emotional concept, “values” might be the better choice. On the other hand, if you are trying to communicate a more logical or universal concept, “principles” might be a better choice.

You.com's answer is pretty close to what I was trying to say. My answer to why I chose to share my principles instead of my values is this:

Values serve as guiding lights, but they do not inherently require accountability – one can hold a value without acting on it. Principles, on the other hand, demand consistency; they require action and accountability. E.g. I can tell you I value honesty but that does not necessarily mean I will be honest. However, if I say that "honesty" is a principle, it means that in a situation where "honesty" runs up against my desire to "not get in trouble", for example, I would be called to suffer the consequences of "getting in trouble" for the sake of upholding my principle of "honesty". The "values vs principles" discussion is also illustrated by the following concept: "espoused values vs enacted values" with "espoused values" describing the "values" I am speaking to here and "enacted values" being "principles".

In Life Design, understanding the difference between values and principles are fundamental. Principles form the absolute basis in which one designs something (whether that be a car or your own life), principles are primary. E.g. what kind of foundation will be laid for a house. If principles are the foundation of a house, values are the framing that gives it structure. While both are essential, principles determine the integrity of the build. A Life Design requires principles for clarity. How the posts are laid and what kinds of materials are used (i.e. values) depend on what kind of foundation are in place (e.g. principles). In summary, both values and principles are important for design but in the interest of concision and precision, for my website, I chose to share my principles with you.

2. Integrity vs "Honesty"

Honesty, while often seen as a virtue, doesn’t always account for its impact on others. For example, telling someone, “Hey, you have a red zit on your forehead,” may be factually honest, but it lacks consideration for how that truth affects the listener. In my shark fin work, some activists framed the issue as, “Chinese people eat shark fin to showcase their wealth and status.” While perhaps not their intent, this phrasing implied that material display mattered more to Chinese communities than conservation. Naturally, this put many people on the defensive, making them less receptive to the conservation argument.

Instead, I developed a different narrative: “Some Chinese families serve shark fin to showcase generosity to their guests, and there are other ways we can express generosity.” This reframing kept the integrity of the message intact while fostering engagement rather than alienation.

Honesty is most powerful when it is emotionally honest—when it expresses personal experience rather than projecting assumed truths. Saying, “When I see sharks being killed for shark fin, I feel powerless and angry,” is far more constructive than making generalized statements about others. The former invites dialogue, while the latter risks shutting it down.

The Pygmalion Effect & Integrity

Integrity is the alignment of beliefs, actions, and behaviors into a cohesive whole. A car lacks integrity if its parts don’t function together; similarly, people lack integrity when their words and actions contradict their principles. This is why integrity is my core principle—it determines trustworthiness.

I’ve encountered individuals who claim to value kindness yet undermine others when it serves their interests—whether by gossiping for social credibility or a therapist blaming a client’s “difficulty” instead of recognizing their own professional limitations. Without integrity, such practitioners create leaky containers—dynamics where change is impossible because responsibility is always deflected rather than addressed.

The Pygmalion Effect demonstrates how expectations shape reality: students whose teachers believed in their potential performed significantly better than those whose teachers saw them as failures. This principle applies to leadership, coaching, and relationships—when we uphold integrity, we cultivate environments where others can thrive.

Unconditional Positive Regard

In any relationship—personal, professional, or therapeutic—the integrity of one party directly influences the outcomes of the other. A leader, mentor, or therapist who deflects blame or operates from self-interest creates a fragile, dysfunctional dynamic that stifles growth. Integrity is the foundation for trust, and trust is essential for transformation. Without it, interactions become transactional rather than meaningful, and progress—whether in learning, healing, or collaboration—becomes superficial at best, impossible at worst.

In psychology, this principle is known as unconditional positive regard—the ability to see someone through the lens of their potential rather than their shortcomings. When integrity is upheld, it fosters an environment where people feel safe enough to grow.

3. Psychological Safety vs "Safe Space"

Many times, I've heard people refer to the phrase "safe space" in the context of facilitating a meeting, workshop, or event. The facilitator claims that "this is a safe space", but what they can sometimes fail to mention, is that it is not a "safe space" for every person in the room. This is especially true in leftwing politics, we are happy to strip the "privileged" of their voices in service of creating space of those "oppressed". This kind of dynamic predetermines an inaccurate definition of equity and equality, in my eyes personally, because it kills psychological safety for one group in favour of psychological safety for another group, which means there is no psychological safety for all. While it depends on the purpose of the "space" that is being facilitated, in some environments, the term ‘safe space’ is used selectively, prioritizing the psychological safety of one group at the expense of another. When this happens, it can create an echo chamber that stifles open discourse rather than fostering true psychological safety for all participants. E.g. "This is a space that is about anti-oppression, therefore, all white people need to shut up and listen to generalize an experience we as a person-of-colour had toward all white people in this room."

4. Openness and Acceptance vs "Diversity and Inclusion"

As a person who has experienced multiple physical and verbal attacks for my race, gender, and sexuality, I am a strong proponent of ensuring that different perspectives and voices are included in the work of social change. Having said that, I think in some communities, we have reached an extreme that needs to be corrected. I do not believe that we should promote diversity, equity, or inclusion at the cost of political polarity. For diversity, equity, and inclusion to be truly meaningful, they must be grounded in openness and acceptance. This means not just advocating for underrepresented voices but also fostering a culture of genuine listening—even to those we may disagree with.

5. How windows, containers and mirrors represent integrity, psychological safety and openness

Windows symbolize openness—the ability to see and be seen, to welcome fresh perspectives, and to engage with the world beyond ourselves. Containers represent psychological safety—creating structured spaces where trust and vulnerability can flourish. Mirrors reflect integrity—the alignment of our beliefs, words, and actions. Together, these elements form the foundation for trust, growth, and meaningful human connection.

ChatGPT prompt: "A window that looks like a mirror and a container."